She told me something last week that has helped me a lot.
I've always compared my depression to a tooth ache.
You get a dentist to find the problem and fix it, then you will never have any problem with that tooth again.
The thing that irritates me most is the fact that I can't figure out which "tooth" that hurts.
What my therapist said is something that I've heard before, but it has never stuck.
She told me that if a person has been depressed before, then it's easier for that person to become depressed again.
When I get depressed I start trying to figure out what makes me depressed. What part of my life sucks so bad that I become depressed.
...and I don't get it. Sure, I don't have the best life a man could have, but I live a good life and I'm reasonably happy.
What she told me made me think that maybe there's nothing wrong with my life, maybe it's more like Crohns disease. (my chronic intestine problem) The doctors don't know why I got Crohns, it could be stress, to much sugar, something genetic...
But the main thing is that I can live with it, as long as I think about what I eat and drink. I can eat a greasy pizza, but then I have to be prepared to spend a lot of time in the little boys room the next day. If I'm careful Crohns doesn't bother me much.
Maybe it's the same with my depression. For some reason I got depressed years ago, and now I have to take extra care of myself. If I don't take care, then I can easily become depressed again.
To think about it as a chronic problem that I have to learn to cope with, instead of something that can be "fixed" makes a big difference for me. A difference that I like, a lot.
Last week we just spoke about this and that, this week she made me promise to actually try to do stuff that can help me.
Until our next meeting I have to...
exercise at least twice during the week.
do something one weekday evening, watch a movie or something. (Not a DVD, I have to leave the apartment)
Saturday and Sunday I have to take a walk for one hour one day, and go shopping the other.
Lets see if I'm any better at keeping these promises.